Entry 1: I don't really want Farmer Lodge to marry another woman, quite obviously. He is my son's father, and my son deserves better than not to have a father. I don't love Farmer Lodge, quite the opposite actually. I did love him once, but not anymore, he has done too much damage to my life. But his marrying has reawakened some of my previous feelings, and as much as I hate to admit, I am a bit jealous of her. I want to know why he chose her. Is she pretty? Tall? What colour hair does she...
don't think of my son and what he could have been. I often think of what my life would have been like if I hadn't been pregnant. Would Farmer Lodge have married me? Maybe, maybe not, nobody will ever know. I don't know what I'm going to do now with my life. I suppose it will revolve around home and work, but I will never be able to improve my life. It will always stay the same, and each day will be the same as the last, nothing will get better, nothing will change.